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No nasty surprises in this gooey confection. Jaguar XJ 5.0 Supercharged Supersport LWB 4dr. The front AP Racing brakes have six-pot callipers with ventilated and grooved discs. The tyres are low profile. The dampers are adjustable. And… are you dribbling yet?. But most of all I like the price. It’s ?16,265 and, although Skoda doesn’t provide figures to show this, it is way cheaper than every one of its rivals. Even if you fit the useless satnav and blue teeth and climate control, it’s still ?1,000 less than the Volkswagen Polo GTI. And that’s especially odd, because underneath it’s exactly the same car. Same engine. Same everything.. I have always been a fan. The original, a 282-bhp version of the boxy 1980s 5-series, came out of nowhere and redefined what we thought might be possible from a saloon. And since then every single version has pulled off the same trick.. Providing stars with cars was only part of his headline-grabbing antics. Because in the past celebrities were expected to make their own way from their sumptuous homes to the glittering gala do. This meant they would turn up in front of the flashguns in whatever their local chauffeur company happened to be running at the time – an S-class Mercedes, usually.. Now. As I see it, there are a couple of issues with Citro?n doing this. First, this is not a company with the best reputation for electronic reliability, and second, it all adds weight. And more weight means less acceleration, higher fuel bills and the need for firmer suspension.. There was a time when Audis were driven by cement salesmen, but in recent years they have become the must-have accessory for squash- and golf-playing‘winners’. And squash- and golf-playing winners don’t have the time or the inclination to let you out of a side turning, that’s for sure. Also, Audi drivers have it in their heads that the stopping distances in the Highway Code are given in millimetres. You check next time you’re being tailgated. I bet you any money the culprit is in an Audi.. And yet somehow, despite the power and the corpulence, it seems to have grip. You no longer have to countersteer every time you pull over to pick up a pint of milk. You can even get from one side of Guildford to the other without spinning.. I like to think that if I’d been one of them, sitting in my pit in Australia, and I’d been told that someone in the health-and-safety vehicle had abandoned the qualifying session, I’d have fired up my car and driven round the track in a roar of barely contained power-sliding fury to show that they were talking nonsense.. However. I’m afraid I arrived back in London in some discomfort, which is the British way of saying ‘screaming agony’, because of the bloody seats. The shoulder bolsters are too close together, which means you get some idea of what it might be like to be a letter inside an envelope. Even this morning, after eight hours of deep sleep, my neck feels as though it’s spasming.. Volkswagen isn’t much better, but there’s a reason for this. In the past it would give a shortlist of names to executives in the company, who were asked to rate them out of ten. Which meant the winner was invariably the name that was everyone’s second or third favourite. How else could they have arrived atthe Golf? That’s like calling a car the Herpes.. I am particularly keen to have a go in the new Alfa Romeo 4C, which on the face of it sounds a bit hopeless. It costs around?45,000 yet it only comes with a four-cylinder 1742 cc engine. That’s white-collar money for blue-collar power. And yet this is a car that tips the scales at just 895 kg – about half what the vehicle on your drive weighs.. It’s the same story with your choice of pet. A dog requires almost constant attention. It raids your bin, gets the bones it’s nicked stuck in its throat, bites the postman, eats the milk lady, poos on the carpet, wants a walk when it’s raining, barks in the night for no reason and gets ill on Christmas Day, when the vet is too drunk to come over. But despite all this it’s so much more satisfying than a feed-and-forget cat.. Some are saying that all of this stuff is ridiculous and the S-class is no longer sitting at the prow of motoring innovation. Others say – and I have some sympathy with this argument – that true luxury is achieved with a clever use of space, light and silence, and that a billion gadgets is no match for the sheer opulence you find in a Rolls-Royce..