They even do this with their wine. Having created the liquid perfection that is Niersteiner Gutes Domtal, they went back to the drawing board and decided that the only way to make a better wine would be to add flecks of gold leaf. So they did. How brilliant’s that? Wine that glitters under the lights. Stunning.. Oh, barman, my pint of pitbull has gone all warm and fluffy. There’s more. One of the features provided is a list of all the restaurants in the area. It asks what sort of food you want and then takes you to the nearest eatery that is equipped to help. The trouble is that people only ever want Chinese, French, Italian or Indian. But it would be racist to limit the list to just four options. So, to keep everyone happy, it comes up with every single country in the world. If you have a modern Mercedes and you live in the highlands of Scotland, do please enter ‘Balkan’ and let me know what on earth it comes up with.. All in all, then, this car is not Jag’s finest hour. At the risk of sounding like a stuck record, the BMW 5-series is better in almost every way.. It’s strange, isn’t it? We all pretend that we pay attention to the cost of running a car and how much fuel it will consume. We tell friends that we made our choice on our particular needs and the needs of our family. But the truth is that we buy a car as we buy clothing. With scant regard for how it was made, or by whom, because we’re too busy looking in a mirror thinking, Would this suit me?. When we buy a really fast car, the last thing we want is a really fast car. We may think we do. But we don’t. The top speed of a car matters when you’re a child. My dad’s car is faster than yours. And it matters when you are a teenager.. Except, of course, there aren’t. Toyota makes Corollas that don’t last for ever. After a period of time – let’s say about eight years – they are likely to implode and their owners will have to buy a replacement.. But there are some problems with this, as I discovered over a few days with the Aston Martin V12 Vantage roadster. On cold mornings the big metal lever was jolly chilly. So chilly, in fact, that you needed to think about wearing mittens before setting off. And in the fight-or-flight, hunter-killer world of male pride, you really want to be in a loincloth, not mittens.. It wasn’t just cars either. There were motorcycles and generators and marine engines and lawnmowers and water pumps and mopeds that were so important to the world that they were immortalized in a Beach Boys song. There were leaf blowers and quad bikes and hydrogen fuel cells and Formula One powerplants that won the world constructors’ championship six times on the trot.. And now history has repeated itself with the F-type. I’d seen early spy shots of this car, and I’d even spotted camouflaged mules being tested around the Cotswolds. And I’d got it into my head that it would be nothing more than an XK that had been boiled for a bit too long in the washing machine. I was very, very wrong.. I’ll let you into a secret. Not one of the people on any of those boats saw the race. Nobody in the council blocks did either. In fact, the only people who could see more than a few feet of track were the real fans who’d arrived by train that morning in their branded Vodafone shirts and climbed the hill beneath the palace. They may have found it wasn’t worth the effort.. As I write, the sun is belting down with a fury we haven’t seen for many years. Yet, after one of the coldest, most miserable springs on record, the countryside is still as green as an ecomentalist’s groin. It is truly beautiful out there and I am consumed by an overwhelming need to drive about in a sports car. But there’s a problem with that. Youcan’t actually buy such a thing these days.. But if it doesn’t, it’s surprisingly good. First of all, the suspension is so delightfully soft you don’t feel potholes at all, or speed humps, or your neighbour’s bicycle, or any of the other things that Peugeot drivers are prone to running over. It glides around like a hovercraft.. And I think that’s enough now. I could give you a thousand reasons for not buying this car, even before we got to the whopping price tag. I could tell you that a Ferrari 458 Italia is better, and that this isn’t even the best Aston. The Vantage S holds that crown. But I’m afraid there’s no getting round the fact that I loved it. And the main reason I loved it is: you loved it even more.. ‘Very funny… I cracked up laughing on the tube’Evening Standard.