Not on a jet ski, it isn’t. Fun is everything. Whizzing about and trying to splash your mates is everything. Getting knocked off by a big wave is everything. If you want to be safe on a jet ski, get off it.. What, however, was not fine was getting my bicycle and my wife’s to the start line. Needless to say, someone else fixed the bike rack – which we seem to own for no obvious reason – to the back of our Volvo and loaded the bikes onto it.. It’s the same story with restaurants and art and furniture and holidays. Money buys you choice. Unless you are planning on buying a car. Because when you are rich enough to take a seat at the top table in petrol heaven, there’s no choice at all.. It’s a problem with all these gearboxes. They’re good when you are travelling fast, but in town they jerk. You don’t get the creep of a normal automatic or the slip from a clutch pedal in a normal manual. I realize, of course, that flappy paddles mean better emissions, which is good news for polar bears, but for smooth driving, they’re pretty hopeless.. Then there’s the problem with buying a 3-series. Go on, try it. Engage your internet, go to BMW’s website and try to make sense of what’s there. You can’t. Not till you’ve found your reading glasses, and then gone to Boots to buy a pair that is even more powerful. And even when you are able to readthe microdot typeface, your computer won’t have the plug-in necessary to enjoy any of the site’s features. Not that you will understand what’s on offer anyway, because it’s either flowery rubbish or techno gobbledygook.. It sounds, then, as if this new car is much the same as the old one, albeit a bit faster and quite a lot more economical. But I’m afraid that’s not strictly accurate. Because where’s the noise? The old car crackled when you started it, roared when it was moving and ticked when it wasn’t. And without this soundtrack the excitement has gone. It means you never feel inclined to put your foot down. I spent my week justpottering about. At one point I found myself doing 60 mph on the motorway. On the Burford road in Oxfordshire the other night I was overtaken by a Fiat 500.. Tall people never really think about how far they are from the ground unless they are presented with an economy-class seat or a row of off-the-peg trousers. With small people, things are different. They think about their height all the time. They think that people like me are tall deliberately, that we do it on purpose just to annoy them. This gives them what doctors call SMS – small man syndrome – and what we call a bad temper.. And it’s not cheap. The base car is ?198,936, but if you want the steering wheel stitched in cotton the colours of the Italian flag – well, that’s an extra ?720. That’s ?720 for some cotton. You want the wheels painted gold? That’s ?1,238. A premium hi-fi system is ?3,411. Titanium wheel bolts are ?1,919. Red brake callipers? They’re ?880. Racing seats? They’re ?4,961. The end result is that the car I tested would actually cost you ?262,266. And that’s what an economist would call ‘a lot’. But it’s worth every single penny. Because this car is simply sublime.. And at this point some of you may accuse me of inconsistency because just recently I said that the new Porsche 911 Carrera S cabriolet does not work as a convertible because the strengthening beams and the structural compromises ruin what was designed to be a pure sports car. Taking the roof off a car such as this is like adding HP Sauce to a quail’s egg. It adds to the tang but you lose the delicacy, and with a 911, delicacy is everything.. A Ferrari is for high days and holidays. It is a special-occasion car. Which means you need another car as well. And if you have something else, that will always be more comfortable and more practical, which means your beloved Ferrari will sit in the garage for month after month, chewing its way through your finances and then not starting on the one day you decide it would be suitable. That’s why the second-hand columns are always rammed full of ten-year-old Ferraris that have only ever done 650 miles. Every one of them is a shattered dream.. I bought a Volkswagen Scirocco when I was twenty becauseWhat Car? magazine said it accelerated from 0 to 60 mph a little bit faster than my mate’s Vauxhall Chevette. But when you are an adult you realize that you will never accelerate from 0 to 60 mph as fast as possible because a) people will think you are an imbecile and b) you will need a new clutch afterwards.. The car didn’t really work as a style statement either. Because there was a time when a white convertible was just the thing. But now? Turning up in a car of this type is like turning up with a Wham! days George Michael blow wave.. Audi R8 5.2 FSI quattro S tronic. Normally I’d simply sit in the resultant jam, accepting that the people in charge are morons. But because I had a cold, I needed to be at home. So I set off on a hate-fuelled charge through the back streets, hurling insults at absolutely everyone and everything.. I suspect the answer is caravanists. People who enjoy this type of holiday tend to be the sort who vote UKIP and therefore like the fact that the CR-V is made in Swindon by British people, not by a sausage jockey or a garlic-munching surrender dog..