Yes, there’s a fair bit of torque steer and I will admit that the Renault Clio 200 Cup is a tad more dynamic. But the Citro?n is more comfortable and less noisy and, of course, every time you see your reflection in a shop window, you will feel like you’re on the bridge of theUSS Dwight D Eisenhower. Whereas when you see a reflection of yourself in a Renault, it’s just a reminder that you will soon break down.. And although it may be hard to load an elderly dog, those stilts do make you feel imperious as you drive along. There are many‘soft roaders’ on the market these days, but none offers such a commanding view as the Freelander.. Then you have the women. Mostly, they are prostitutes. I suspect that if you were so minded, you could come home with a veritable smorgasbord of sexually transmitted diseases. But not the billionaires. They have someone to make love for them.. Crossover cars are for fools. They offer no more space inside than a normal family hatchback but they are perceived by the idiots who buy them to be tougher. Why? They are made from the same grade of steel and the same quality of plastic and they have the same suspension components. You are fooled by the high-riding stance into thinking that they have been built to take on the Kalahari but they have not. All the tall stance means is worse handling and inferior fuel consumption.. Because they are so sensible, my shoulders sagged quite a bit when I walked out of the house last Monday morning to find that a brown Accord with a diesel engine was sitting in the drive. I had many miles to cover that week and, frankly, I didn’t fancy doing any of them in the motoring equivalent of wholemeal bread. So I loaded up the boot of my Mercedes and took that instead.. Of course, Land Rover wasn’t content to put this excellent car on sale and revel in the plaudits and the profit. So a big cheese said at its launch that off-road capability wasn’t really important any more. It’s a silly thing to say when you are running Land Rover. And doubly silly because it’s so obviously not true.. I suppose that eventually you would become used to this. But there is something else that would always be a nag. The problem is twofold. In the olden days the M5’s price tag was justifiable because the car was much better than the standard 5-series. That simply isn’t true any more. The 530d M Sport is very possibly the best, most complete car in the world right now and it’s hard to see why the M5 costs ?31,000 more.. Then again, a Land Rover Defender is pretty hopeless on the road as well. But that doesn’t pretend to be a luxury tool, whereas the Wrangler I tested does. It has roof panels that lift out – if you have a PhD in engineering – and cruise control and lots of gizmos. It’s like a diamant? wellington. A gold-plated cowpat. A village idiot at the Savoy.. My dishwasher is more complex than Apollo 11, my juicer has a 200-page instruction book and have you tried to use a pay-by-phone parking meter? Of course not, or you’d still be out there, in the street, asking yourself what on earth was wrong with putting a pound coin in a little slot.. In a bit of a huff, I put everything in Comfort mode and set off up the M40. It was utterly delightful. As relaxing as a happy ending. Smooth, quiet, soft – exactly how a big car should feel.. Cheer up– Napoleon got shorty shrift too. Jaguar should play a joke on the Germans and say its next car will have a ski jump in the boot. Or an aquarium in the glove box.. Oh, I hate the noise you make in‘wounded cow’ mode. However, until BMW gets round to launching a convertible version of the forthcoming M4, this is as good as it gets. Just remember: do not fit the active lane assist. And spend the?370 you save on Red Bull. That way, you won’t need it.4 August 2013. I still maintain the worst car I have driven is the Kia Rooney. Or was it Rio? And the second-worst is the equally Korean Hyundai Accent with a three-cylinder diesel. Both still make me shiver. I’d rather sit in a bucket of vomit..