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Then there’s the worst bit. When he grabs a form and steps outside to tell you what the car you wish to part exchange is worth. In short, it’s worth about an eighth of what you thought. This is because the man from Take That has found a scratch, and it’s grey and grey’s not very popular at the moment. Except for the fact that 75 per cent of all cars sold in Britain are one shade of grey or another.. Of course, there are other cars that can go this quickly, but none of them feels like a Ferrari. The paddles, for instance: when you pull them, they feel as if they aren’t actually connected to anything, which in reality, of course, is a fact. They aren’t. They work the gearbox in the same way as the light switch in your kitchen works the bulb. Only a little bit faster.. There are also places in the world, in Africa mainly, where a saloon marks you out as someone special. But here? Now? No. We have come to realize that a saloon is just a hatchback that’s less practical and more boring to behold.. And now let us spool forwards to the Nissan Pixo. This is the cheapest new car on sale in Britain today and in many ways it is excellent. You do get power steering and antilock braking and I have no doubt that it will be a faithful and reliable servant for many years. And yet, despite all this, I want one about as much as I want a bout of herpes.. Now we must address comfort. There isn’t much, because, like the gearbox, the suspension is set up for fast lap times. It’s not as bad as in some cars but you do need to scour the road ahead carefully so that you don’t accidentally run over a pothole.. Inside, you are reminded that while the RS 3 is a new car, it’s based on a car that is not new at all. It feels old-fashioned. Boring. And it’s time I mentioned this: there’s a wee bit too much choice.. So. Yes or no? Well, I much prefer it to the overstyled Mercedes E class, which was designed mostly to take Carol Vorderman to the airport. And I think for a number of reasons it is better than Jag’s XF, but what about the 5-series?. But then someone of aGuardian disposition decided that, actually, bicycles were an even better

way of going to work than the bus. So cyclists were suddenly given their own lanes, and their own special spaces at junctions. And there was talk that in any impact between a motorized vehicle and a bike, the driver would – no matter what the circumstances – be blamed.. The gear lever is a bit annoying. It always bongs at you when you try to move it about, but the Sport/Normal selector is a joy. You simply press a button and then choose which bit of the car you’d like to be what. The best solution? Lots of speed and a nice comfy ride. Then it’s even better than delightful.. There are other things in the Vantage roadster that feel old-fashioned too. The buttons, for instance, are extremely small, and none of them does what you expect. And behind the wheel you do feel cramped.. The Ford Fiesta Lady Towel, then. It manages to be something that’s quite rare these days: cheap and cheerful.7 April 2013. But then several months ago I drove an AMG-badged A-class Mercedes, and that wasn’t a V8, or thunderous, or even very muscly. Its AMG badge was writing cheques the car simply couldn’t cash. I gave it two stars and wondered what on earth Mercedes was thinking of. Putting that badge on that car was… well, it would be like calling a small river launch HMSArk Royal.. Who lent Scrooge the ninja costume?. I’ve had a good, long think and reckon that in all its history Alfa has made only four or five really good cars. Memorable cars. And that in the past thirty years it hasn’t made one.. This is because it has been bought, pretty much completely, by gentlemen from the Middle East, all of whom drive extremely loud supercars. You can hear them start up from three streets away, and you can hear them leaving the lights from back in Qatar. A Ferrari drove past me last night fitted with exhausts like 120-mm guns being played through the Grateful Dead’s sound system. And then there was a Lamborghini with a bark so loud it could frighten an old lady’s sausage dog to death..

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