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It really isn’t. Yes, the engine’s a turbocharged 1.6 that produces 187 horsepower, but it doesn’t ever feel fast. Or exciting in any way. I’m not suggesting that it is nasty to drive or that it kept crashing into trees, but it’s not good, either. It is just some car.. The results are simply spectacular. Without any question or shadow of doubt, Heston’s rhubarb mousse is the second nicest thing I’ve ever put in my mouth, and although the texture of the duck fat was a bit like a quilted anorak that’s been left in the rain, it tasted astonishing. It was a duck plus. A super-duck. A duck Veyron.. It’s the same story with the shape. The original CLS is said to have been designed by a young stylist who wanted to see how a Jaguar would look if it were made by Mercedes. It was weird, but undeniably attractive.. What more could we have expected, though? Asking Korea to make a car at this time was like asking the residents of a sink estate in Algeria to make a space shuttle today. It’s not going to end well, especially if you employ the father of the Morris Marina to help out. And yet somehow it has ended well, because here we are, several decades down the line, and while many European and American car companies have foundered, Hyundai has become the fifth-biggest car maker in the world.. It looks like one, too, with power bulges on the bonnet, chunky alloys and an aggressive, lean-forward,‘Do you want a fight?’ stance. It’s a car that in white would not look out of place on Martin Landau’s Moonbase Alpha in the Space 1999 television series. But, actually, it’s a school-run mummymobile.. Eventually I realized that it’s best to let the computer choose a setting to suit the conditions. But even here there’s an issue. Because the steering system constantly flicks from Dynamic to Comfort, you are never sure how much effort you should use to turn the wheel. Sometimes you think just a bit will be required, and then just as you spot a bus coming the other way, you realize it should have been a lot.. At the time, I was on a hill with some friends from the sleepy town of Chipping Norton, lighting a beacon, setting off fireworks, drinking wine and singing the national anthem. We felt warm. We felt fuzzy. We felt proud to be British.. It may have one or two off-road features and it may have just enough ground clearance for a gymkhana car park, but it ain’t no G-wagen. In the rough, it ain’t

no Range Rover, either. Those of you who shoot? Forget it.. Soon we arrived in Radiator Springs. There were a few tractor carcasses, a motley collection of trailers and one police cruiser by the stop sign I hadn’t noticed. He was very angry that some goddamn Limey had dared to breach the law in what was almost certainly a communist-made Range Rover and wanted to see my driving licence.. The weekly motoring magazineAutocar recently published a truly remarkable road test of Jaguar’s new baby sports car, the F-type. Apparently it has been engineered by a man whose superhuman abilities as a boffin are matched only by his unparalleled excellence behind the wheel. He was described, almost homoerotically, as a blend of Jackie Stewart, Mother Teresa and Wernher von Braun, the German rocket scientist. So not surprisingly his creation is apparently rather special.. There are some niggles, though. When the differentials are cold and you are manoeuvring in a tight space, the front wheels just plough straight on. In this respect, it’s a bit like my P45 micro-car. And on the move, the accelerator pedal feels mushy. There is no instant response from the engine, partly because it’s fed in an old-fashioned way and partly because the new seven-speed gearbox is a bit dim-witted.. I recently went to see James McAvoy’s new film,Welcome to the Punch. In it he drives a 159 and it looked so sensational that I lost control of what was going on. I love that car. I wish it was still with us. I miss it.. Within a minute, one of the inconvenienced motorists expressed his displeasure by blowing his horn. And this unleashed a torrent as all the others joined in. The noise was incredible.. Which brings me back to the noise. Floor the throttle and all you get is a gentle hum, the sound of an engine that is doing a spot of gardening or maybe popping down the road for a pint of milk. It doesn’t really sound as though it’s making much of an effort at all.. Every lunchtime on Radio 2 Jeremy Vine hosts a topical news and discussion show in which the‘motorist’ is always portrayed as a swivel-eyed, testosterone-fuelled speed freak with the social conscience of a tiger and a total disregard for the wellbeing of others..

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