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You want more evidence that the economy’s recovering and batteries are on the back burner? Well, there’s going to be a convertible version of the epic Mercedes SLS and a long-wheelbase option for the Rolls-Royce Ghost. Then we have the new Porsche 911, which will be exactly the same as every other 911, and a hardcore derivative of the car most Formula One drivers use when their sponsors and engine suppliers aren’t looking – the Nissan GT-R.. Radio 4 people think that boy racers sit in the social mix between rapists and Hitler. So they will have leapt up from their Shackletons wingbacks, delirious with joy that Mr Hammond was finally going to make their life on the road a little less terrifying.. And so are the cars. Most press-fleet managers will ensure that every demonstrator is fitted with every single optional extra. They will argue that this gives the reviewer a chance to sample all that’s available. Yes. But a layer of exciting buttons and knobs can also mask the dreariness of the product underneath. In the same way as a spicy sauce masks the fact that the curry you’ve ordered is full of dead cats.. Open up them pearly gates…. Wind is like a barking dog, or an early-morning Italian strimmer. It’s inconsistent. There’s no regularity or predictability. The noise goes away but never for very long, and you never know when it will be back. I don’t know why the CIA uses waterboarding to extract information from suspects; just put them on a boat in the Irish Sea for ten minutes and they’ll tell you anything you want to know.. That’s why the Evoque rides farther from the ground than even the Freelander, with which it shares many components. It’s why the angles of attack are so good, allowing you to climb and depart from steep inclines without biffing the front and the rear. And the Evoque is fitted with the same off-roadelectronics program as you find in the big Range Rover.. Volkswagen High Up!. Pretty much every week we are told the best place in the world to live, work and raise a family is not St Tropez or Tuscany or California but… wait for it… drum roll… Denmark. The reasoning behind this is always the same. There’s no crime, no unemployment, no obesity, no vandalism, no jealousy, no angst and no dog dirt on the pavement.. Because in any given week a hundred people might be interested in the new Volkswagen Golf diesel, meaning that 379,999,900 aren’t. Whereas a Ferrari power-sliding through a volcano? Pretty much everyone wants to see that, pretty much all the time. Plus, of course, it means I get to live your dreams.. Why? Lexus doesn’t engineer its cars for Britain. They’re engineered for fatties in Texas. For the long, straight roads of Nevada. For show-off eco-mentalists in Hollywood. The SC 430 is one of the most disgusting pieces of automotive crap I’ve encountered. So why should I imagine for a moment that the LFA would be any different?. That’s why, when I emerged from Helsinki airport last week, exhausted, with my stomach demanding brunch and my eyes telling me it was time for a mug of cocoa, I thought I was getting into a normal Range Rover.. ‘Unlikely,’ said the promoter. ‘English is not the mother tongue in Belgium but they speak it well enough to work out the anagram of “Live Gear Top”.’ And so, with heavy hearts, James Emerson, Richard Lake and Jeremy Palmer emerged into the cacophony.. Who lent Scrooge the ninja costume?. Preposterous? Not really. I remember when the video recorder first went on sale. The Panasonic model was?800 and was viewed by the bitter and mealy-mouthed as being another example of life being all right for some. And here we are today with DVD players being available on benefits.. Oh, heavens. I’ve forgotten the interior lighting. You can choose from a vast array of colours and then choose how bright you’d like it all to be. And then, with a swivel of the knob, you can turn on the wi-fi. You then input the seventeen-digit code into your phone – don’t worry about drifting onto theother side of the road while you do this because the Mercedes knows when you’re about to cross the white line – and, if you haven’t indicated, it will steer you back again..